Dear Miss C
Back in May and June three of my granddaughters’ graduated. One from college, one from high school and one confirmation. I gave each a card and quite a bit of money. It’s September and it’s starting to look like they are not going to send thank you notes my way.
The gifts were from the heart and not to get thanks, but I am surprised none of them even mentioned the money to me. Are notes or words of thanks too old fashioned for today’s world? I have not said anything to them about this but I wonder if I should. What do you think?
Thank you for your help!
—Anonymous Grandma
Dear Anonymous Grandma,
You have no idea how many times I have heard similar stories about graduation, birthday, and wedding gifts having gone un-thanked. I think it is less the sign of society change, but more a sign that we are losing our basic manners and empathy. Times have certainly changed, but basic manners dictates the rule of thumb: a note to show thanks should be sent anytime you receive a gift (even if it’s a thank you gift) and the giver wasn’t there to be thanked in person. There is etiquette gray area, for example, gifts from close friends or relatives (that are not wedding gifts) you can call or email to send thanks instead. So as a Grandma, based on this rule of thumb, you may have fallen in that gray area.
This said, my personal view is, anyone who sends a present, or a card with a personally written message, should receive a thank you note in return. It matters not if the giver is related, but that they cared enough to support my accomplishment. But that is how my mom raised me. Would I say something to the gift recipients? I would not, but I prefer to model the behavior I hope to see from others. We learn from what we see around us, and less from what we are told.
But, just in case someone does learn from what they are told: If you are given a gift, send thanks because someone took time out of their day to show their love and support to you. Do not let that go unappreciated!
Blessings,
—Miss C
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