{"id":48391,"date":"2025-07-05T18:29:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-05T22:29:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.westbendnews.net\/autonews\/?p=48391"},"modified":"2025-06-30T15:34:44","modified_gmt":"2025-06-30T19:34:44","slug":"be-still","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.westbendnews.net\/autonews\/be-still\/","title":{"rendered":"Be Still"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Dotting My Teas By: Marlene Oxender<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently spent an afternoon working in the kitchen \u2013 cooking and cleaning while listening to some online music. The songs were new to me, but I was catching a few words that made me think the lyrics would be meaningful to someone who is grieving the passing of a loved one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wondered if angels speak to us through music and then realized I was being spoken to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A short while later, I walked past a window and saw a red cardinal bouncing in the yard. I went back to the songs, listened once again, and caught the message. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A friend of mine often reminds me that our loved ones never leave us; they may have passed away, but the soul never dies. Our loved ones are closer to us than ever before.    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although I hear what he\u2019s saying, my heart does a little internal rebuttal. I feel the need to tell him that we simply want our loved ones back. We want them here in person. To hear their laughter once again. To see their smile. To listen to their voice.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And he agrees with me \u2013 we love them so much we want them back. We want old times to continue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After my brother Stevie passed away last year, I experienced the disbelief that many report is a normal response. We can\u2019t believe they\u2019re gone. We can\u2019t believe it\u2019s over.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stevie had Down syndrome, and my family was used to taking care of him. It was difficult to accept the fact that he wasn\u2019t going to spend any more weekends with me. I wasn\u2019t going to see one of my brother\u2019s cars in my driveway on Saturday mornings \u2013 bringing him to my house.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stevie would no longer be walking into my home and making us laugh as he asked if we were surprised to see him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Someday, we\u2019ll be the ones who have completed our time on earth. We\u2019ll be at the finish line. Our loved ones will talk about us and the fact that we passed away. But more importantly, they\u2019ll talk about the fact that we lived. They\u2019ll tell a few stories about us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I could speak with Stevie once again, he\u2019d likely tell me he sees me crying at times. He\u2019d tell me he knows a death in the family is a major big deal, and it\u2019s okay to go ahead and cry. Cry because you can\u2019t help it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stevie was often the reason someone was laughing. There were times we didn\u2019t know what was so funny, but we laughed. We laughed because we couldn\u2019t help it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The photos and videos stored within our phones are treasures that become even more valuable as time goes by. I like to pull up Stevie\u2019s Facebook page, replay the short videos, and be reminded of the many reasons he was so much fun to be around.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The song lyrics that spoke to me while I was working in the kitchen that afternoon were a reminder that life is a gift. That\u2019s why we call it \u201cthe present.\u201d     <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stevie loved to open gifts, and he was good at finding joy in nearly every situation. If he could speak to me now, he\u2019d tell me to hold on. To be still. And know the story isn\u2019t over yet.     <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as a caterpillar transforms into something different, so does our soul. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Logic told me Stevie had completed his work on earth, and it was time to let him soar. But that would mean my mind and my heart would need to come to some kind of agreement.       <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we\u2019ve lost a loved one, we\u2019re going to cry a few tears. We may think it will take weeks before we quit crying. But we often find the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We wonder how long it will be before we can share our thoughts about them and not feel the need to find a tissue. Sometimes all we\u2019re trying to do is answer a question or speak about how much we miss them, and the tears get in the way.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a video of Stevie calling me \u201cCrazy Girl.\u201d And perhaps that is what our departed loved ones think of us at times. We\u2019re crazy if we don\u2019t know they\u2019re still with us. We\u2019re crazy if we don\u2019t talk to them. We\u2019re crazy if we don\u2019t start living with intention. We\u2019re crazy if we don\u2019t bring joy back into our lives. We\u2019re crazy if we don\u2019t do it for them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perhaps the best thing we can do is learn to be still. To hold on. To accept the love they\u2019re still sending. To know the story isn\u2019t over yet.    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Marlene Oxender is a writer, speaker, and author. She writes about growing up in the small town of Edgerton, her ten siblings, the memorabilia in her parents\u2019 estate, and her late younger brother, Stevie Kimpel, who was born with Down syndrome. Her three published books, Picket Fences, Stevie and Grandma, You Already Am Old, are available on Amazon. Marlene can be reached at mpoxender@gmail.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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