SOME JORDANESE

By: Stan Jordan

• He is not the sharpest knife in the drawer

• He is two french fries short of a happy meal

• She is wound a little too tight

• News to her is in both ears and out the mouth

• That ain’t worth a plated nickel

• She is some kind of typo

• He had up a full head of steam

• It was up hill both ways

• His car had seen better days

• His feet didn’t match

• She wanted to be a big frog in a little pond, but she was a little frog in a big pond

• You can’t be optimistic with mistyoptic 

• Speed on big boy, Hell ain’t full

• Cheer up son, life is never fair

• She laid down the law

• Tell it like it is

• It was not the apple in the tree, but the pair on the ground

• On down the road

• The key is in the mailbox, come on in

• I’m a fixin’

• You win a few, you lose a few

• Slim is dead and gone

• I will do it tomorrow

• Not by a jug full

ME, ME, ME

By: Stan Jordan

I was thinking, if I am going to write my life history, I had better get started, because I am over the hill and started down the other side.

I was born June 27th, 1924 up on Wentworth Road here in Antwerp. There were three of us boys and I was the youngest. I remember quite a bit about that area, but we moved down on East Canal St. about 1929.

I started to school in the fall of 1930. My first grade teacher was Lucile Carr Stiver. The Depression came along about that time and I can remember that alright.

About the middle of the 1930’s things started to be better. We three boys spent a lot of time fishing, playing ball or in the park playing.

The city ball diamond was at the east end of Stone Street and lots of boys played there. We had all the kid diseases  and that included “the itch”, yes everyone had that.

The world rolled along and I was soon in high school. I played football, basketball and baseball. I soon had my letter “A” for sports along about the end of 1939. We lost our father, Jim was called into the army with the Ohio National Guard. Brother Jack quit school and worked at the Pennsylvania Railroad shops and kept the family together: Mom, my two sisters (Grace born in 1932 and Ruby born in 1934) and I.

On December 7th, 1941, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and we were at war whether we wanted it or not. Now that war changed the world, the times and everyone’s lifestyle. I don’t mean it was bad, it was certainly different. Everyone done their part in one way or another.

 Life went on and I enjoyed my junior and senior year at Antwerp High School and we graduated in May of 1942. As soon as I was 18 I worked at Bowers in Fort Wayne Defense Plant. Everybody worked somewhere. Then in November of 1942 I enlisted in the army. 

 I spent the biggest part of the year here in the states and then a few months over in Europe. Then the war in Europe  ended May 8th, 1945 and we were rushed around and sent home to the states to be ready to invade Japan on November 1st of that year, but Japan surrendered after we dropped the ‘A’ bomb, thank goodness.

In November of that year I ended up in Camp Shelby, Mississippi and I was discharged there around November 26, 1945. Pauline and I were married in January of 1944, so I was very glad to get home. 

I started the post office July 1st, 1946. We lived in some of Taylor Long’s new apartments at that time. After two years as a window clerk, I started in the Railway Mail Service for a few months, mostly from Fort Wayne to St. Louis and from Delphos to Akron. I worked for the RMS until January of 1949 and then I received my appointment as Rural Carrier on R1 out of Antwerp.

Pauline and I  moved in 1948 to the corner of Archer Drive and North Main St. She worked for Carl Langham at his Chrysler dealership. Along about then, Gale was born, December 31, 1950. Around that same time the Weatherhead Plant was built, so was the roller rink and pretty soon the bowling alley…Antwerp was growing!

A couple of new churches, some lodges and the midway organizations were all moving along. The firemen held a big day and parade for years and Pauline and I would help out.

We went on vacation a couple of times out through the west and visited the National Parks…

EDITOR’S NOTE: We know Stan’s story definitely didn’t end here, unfortunately, he was never able to finish writing it down. He spoke of many fishing trips to Florida, years spent on his mail route and times helping emcee events. Stan loved his lunches at “the round table” (as he always called it) at the Oasis with his friends and he enjoyed getting visitors here at The West Bend News and could sit and chat for hours. We love you Stan. You will be missed! 

By: Stan Jordan 

Previously ran 1/25/12

She was so blonde that she thought a quarterback was a cash refund. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she tripped over the cordless phone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she took a ruler to bed with her so she could see how long she slept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Blondie sat and stared at the orange juice box for 25 minutes because it said concentrate. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she got stabbed in a shoot out. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she thought Meow Mix was a re- cord for cats. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was so blonde she thought Ertha Kitt was a gar- den tool. 

See ya! 

By: Stan Jordan 

Previously ran 2/22/12

Tom’s wife was a dizzy blonde. She was going to make Tom an angel food cake. The recipe said to beat the 12 eggs separately. A neighbor was kind enough to loan her some extra bowls. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tom wanted a fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said to serve without dressing. So Blondie didn’t dress. Boy, was she surprised when Tom brought a friend home for dinner. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blondie was going to have rice for dinner. It said to wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. She said it sounded silly but she took a bath any- way. It didn’t seem to improve the rice at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blondie found an easy recipe for cookies. It said to put all the ingredients in a bowl and heat it. She said something must be wrong here because when she got back things were just like when she left. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blondie is going to surprise Tom. If he will buy a bigger oven she will surprise him with a Chocolate Moose. 

See ya! 

By: Stan Jordan

Previously ran 3/21/12

The door bell rang and Blondie answered it. A work- man complete with a tool box stood on the front porch. 

He said, “Madam, I am the piano tuner.” 

The blonde said, “I didn’t call for a piano tuner.” 

The man replied, “I know you didn’t, but your neighbors did.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blondie was driving south bound on Interstate 69. Her cell phone rang and it was her roommate warning her that she heard on the radio that a person was traveling going the wrong way on the high- way. “So please be careful.” 

Blondie replied, “It’s not one car, there’s hundreds of them. 

See ya!

Beloved writer and local historian Stan Jordan now resides at the Gardens of Paulding. You can mail a card to:

Gardens of Paulding

Room 402,

199 CR 103

Paulding, OH 45879

These stories below are reprinted from previous editions. 

By: Stan Jordan

A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower someone had left out in their front yard. He flew over and sat on the handle, watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school.

One little boy tripped on a crack and fell, spilling his lunch on the sidewalk. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on. But he missed a piece of bologna. The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry. So he flew down and started eating the bologna. In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, so he waddled across the sidewalk across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, and sat there resting and watching the children.

There was still some bologna laying there on the sidewalk. He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good.

Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped off the handle of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney. But alas he was too full to fly and he went splatt!, killing him instantly.

The moral of the story: Don’t fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.

By: Stan Jordan

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

The second old guy says, “That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”

The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”

The second old guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”

To which the first old guy says, “Don’t remember, let’s look for yours.”

Received from Natasha Jones; courtesy of www.gcfl.net

Caleb’s no good, very Bad Jack of a Day

By: Stan Jordan

Caleb McHerford was driving on the Blue Tick Road just outside of Fairview, OK when he had a flat tire on his pick-em-up truck.

He got out and looked and made a diligent search inside and all over that truck but he couldn’t find the jack nor the handle. He had a good spare tire and lug wrench, but no jack.

He had a problem here, he had to raise the flat tire wheel up off the road to get his spare in place.

He looked this situation over good and he realized he had to get a jack from somewhere.

There was a house about a quarter of a mile on down the road on the right hand side. Caleb was not one to borrow anything, but right now he had to jack up his truck and change the tire.

As he walked on down the dusty road he started to think about what kind of people lived in this house. They were probable very nice people and would gladly let him use their jack.

Oh, gee, we’ll probably become good friends and they will want to come over to our house and visit and play cards. They will probably want us to come over to their house. Gee, whiz, they will want to meet on Wednesday night and I always go to the Herford Cattle Raisers Meeting on that night, darn it.

They probably will want to play Euchre and I hate that game. She will probably serve that new type of raspberry flavored coffee and I hate that stuff. We’ll all get to be friends and he will want to borrow my prize bull for free, no way! They probably got one of those new HDTV sets and will want to show it off. They’ve probably got a young daughter who will make big eyes at our boy and a lot can come out of that. Since he loaned me his truck jack he will probably want to borrow my truck. By golly, he can use his own tie down straps.

Caleb was getting closer to the farm house and he was getting more frustrated by the minute. I suppose this fellow is a fisherman and a hunter. Oh, holy smoke, he will want to borrow my coon dog and that ain’t going to happen, no way, no time, no how! My Nellie made the second page of the Oklahoma Coon Hunter’s Gazette and by golly, I’m not letting anyone hunt with Nellie except me. That’s the last straw, I’m done with ‘em.

Caleb was on the porch now and made three distinct knocks on the door. As a nice lady opened the door Caleb spun around on his heel and as he left he said, “You can keep your darned old jack!”

See Ya!

By: Stan Jordan

This picture is off of a Facebook page, submitted by Walter Lang asking about the location of it. 

Well, that water is running over Maddison Street at the very west end of Franklin and Archer Drive. You older people will remember that is the playground for the old elementary grades of Antwerp school.

Most of that area is the parking lot for the Manor House. That ravine ran all the way past the Town Hall and under Oswalt Street then behind the Methodist Church. That was deep ravine years ago, one of many at that time.

See ya!

By: Stan Jordan

The above old time picture was given to me by Donnie Shaffer. He found it in some his mother’s old time collection. I think it came from one of the Paulding papers. What I mean here, is look that scene over slowly and it tells you a story.

I assume they are either going to church or retiring from church. One of those farmers has a team of oxen and a cart of some kind. It seems that all of them have on their Sunday best. The driver probably has one of his grandson’s riding on one of the oxen. There is about three ladies on the cart and the one lady on crutches couldn’t crawl up on the cart. 

Notice that nearly all the males are wearing weaving hats, now a days that would be a ball cap. Notice that there is a good wooden sidewalk and sort of tells us that this picture was taken in the late 1890’s. They don’t have cars yet and the cement sidewalks came about 1900.

The oxen are standing easily, that is what they done best, but yes they are slow.

See ya!

By: Stan Jordan

This picture of the people at the depot waiting for the train was given to me by Charles Zuber, Class of 1968, who lives in Florida now.

I have a number of pictures of the depot, but none that shows so many people waiting for the train.

Some of the “old timers” tell me that the people waiting for the train or arriving from somewhere always caused quite a commotion. There wasn’t much other excitement that went on. People would take the train into Fort Wayne, Defiance or Toledo as there were no cars or buses. I would imagine that these people are waiting for the interurban from the east into Fort Wayne. I think both big trains were around 10:00 p.m. and 6:00 a.m. You can also see that travelers are also waiting for a ride. 

I can only guess it is after 1900 by the electric wire and it is summer time by the leaves on the trees and some ladies don’t have jackets on. Maybe there is a big party somewhere. I think that many at the depot might be unusual.

The railroad came in in 1855 and it hauled a lot of products from the factories until about 1890. The canal was not busy after 1870. That is why there was three sets of track on the rail lines here.

I understand there was 3 or more hotels in town at this time, so the trains were loaded with passengers in and out.

See ya!

By: Stan Jordan 

A gentleman came in the shop the other day with the above picture post card and asked if we knew anything about it. He also thought it might be the church at South Scipio. The notation about West Union and Donat Corners really throws me off.

Now years ago, I called Road 7 the Donat Road because I had Oliver, Harry, Charlie and Pete in that mile, but I have never heard of Donat Corners.

I went over to the church at the corner of Scipio and the Antwerp-Harlan Pike and that church has been remodeled a few times and the sign above the door originated in 1891 so it is not the same one as the picture.

If you know anything about this picture, please let us know.

See ya! 

By: Stan Jordan

The above picture was posted online and given to me. I knew all of them, but I had to get help for one.

First row left to right: Ray Billman, Harry Cottrell, Tom Schmunk, Max Billman, Bob Schilb, Jim Sidenbender, Dick Friend, Herbie Stevenson. Standing left to right: Ed Cline, Lee Overmyer, Raymond Bender, Dick Dunderman, N.L. Samaha, A.O. Bell, Charlie Peffley, Fred Schafer, Don Hissong, Bob Meyers.

By: Stan Jordan

Yes, it’s me, “Old Blue”.  I am an old 1981 Chevy farm truck. When I was young, I hauled produce for Mr. Crosby over in Payne, Ohio, but he needed a bigger truck so he sold me to Hahn Farms here in Antwerp…now that was many years ago.

Over the years, Mr. Hahn has gotten bigger and he and Nick have two big semis and just recently they picked up a Kenworth straight truck with 5 axels. Gee whiz, they could put me in the bed of that truck. Now Ken and Nick are doing fine and they don’t need me anymore and I have been sold. Yes, just like the old time dish water, thrown out the door. Looking back over the years, I really liked it on the Hahn Farm. They really treated me fine, but no room for me now. 

I understand that I am moving to Harlan, Indiana. I know a lot of people in Maumee and Scipio Township and they are all good folks. I’m sure going to miss Kenny, Nick, Mike, Jake, Dan and all the boys at harvest time. I don’t know if he sold my good friend Jenny the trailer or not.

Yes, I am a little sad, sorrowful and put out. I and Mr. Stan have been cast aside. Well, we will make a go of it. The downside of progress.

See ya!

This is an enlarged postcard picture that Marty Hunt brought in. I will tell you all that I know and remember of this area.

Where you are looking at now is where the fire house is on the corner of Cleveland and Daggett. That was a livery stable for many years. See on that roof is a little air exchange, I imagine that after a few days, the odor got a little horsey.

Then you can see the new catholic church and off in your left that other steeple is the old St. Mary’s Church and later used as a school over on the corner of Washington and Monroe Street. 

I assume the date is after 1900 and before 1923. Cleveland Street was paved in 1923, Then in 1924 the chair factory was built right where this photographer stood. 

This livery stable was of many uses in those years. It was a place where they peeled tomatoes many times. The county or township kept some of the equipment in there. Then it was demolished and the fire house was built there around 1963. The tall house up to your right was the home of Perl Longberry.

The smaller house on this side of there was the home of Nettie Terwilliger and later on Dale or Ducky Swann. There was one more little house there west of the livery stable, a man named Bill Barnhart lived there. It caught fire and burned down and that later became the home of our EMS.

Now that corner is a very busy corner and over the years, shows how much the town has advanced. 

See ya!