The Nurturing Well by: Jill Starbuck
Some people love drama—so much so that they create it or seek it. To them, it’s exciting when chaos abounds. Drama thrills them and makes them feel alive. Without it, they become bored. Drama seekers (a.k.a. drama queens or kings) are often exhausting, negative, and irrational. They make seemingly small obstacles huge issues. They find fault in most everything and play the victim in many circumstances. Nothing is ever easily fixable for them, often blaming others for their own problems. In their efforts to play the victim, they often make others the actual victims. Have you ever found yourself in such a position with a drama queen or king? Before you know it, you’ve spent hours listening to nonstop chatter about how horrible life is. When the session is over, you are thoroughly exhausted and unhappy.
Needless drama is draining and becomes a vicious cycle if you let it. Unfortunately, many drama seekers can be close friends or family. In these cases, many people feel like they can’t escape. So how can you handle drama seekers? Try the following steps:
1. Walk away. The best way to deal with drama seekers is by walking away from them. However, if you feel that you can’t do that, at least limit your time with them. Allow yourself a certain amount of time to listen, but then take care of yourself and don’t get sucked in. Beware that offering pity is an invitation for them to keep coming back. Instead, just listen and allow them to calm themselves down.
2. Steer the conversation. Typically, drama seekers like to hang on tight to a situation. Therefore, you can learn quickly what triggers them into a venting session. Avoid those triggers and steer the conversation elsewhere.
3. Maintain composure. Drama seekers are masters at making accusations, creating fictitious scenarios, and lying to justify their anger, anxiety, and hurt feelings. In these instances, it is very difficult to hold your tongue. However, if you don’t, the cycle will never end. Avoid lashing out, becoming defensive, or stooping to their level. Be the bigger person. You have full control of whether you let another person make you feel bad. Do not let them make you feel guilty.
4. Seek an outlet. If a drama queen or king attacks you verbally, accuses you of something, or just wears you out, find a way to deal with it in a healthy way. Call a friend you can vent to and then move on. Try meditating, exercising, or writing in a journal. Allow yourself time to brood about it and even get angry, but don’t dwell on it. If you do, the drama seeker wins. Discover ways that help you calm down and get on with life.
5. Remain positive. While negativity breeds negativity, the same is true of positivity. Drama seekers thrive on pessimism, but if you refuse to give in and create a positive and optimistic spin on everything, it’s much harder for them to get on your last nerve. In fact, they may even second-guess their standpoint.
The harsh reality is that some people are impossible to please. When dealing with drama seekers, it’s essential to remember that they are the ones with issues, not you. Often, their behavior stems from insecurity, an illness, or unhappiness. Set boundaries and dethrone drama by taking control of your own actions and emotions.
Jill Starbuck has 20 years of experience as a business writer, editor, and market research analyst. She is a certified health coach through the Integrative Institute of Nutrition and a certified running coach through the Road Runners Club of America. She is also the co-owner of a running business. She can be reached at jillstarbuck@hotmail.com.
